Beneath the Shadow of the Hawk
by Salen's Hostility
Summary: Tobais' Haunting past gets darker... and will continue to do so...
1. Chapter One

Beneath the Shadow of the Hawk  
  
By Ami Aes Sedai  
  
My name is Tobias.  
  
A persons past makes up their future. A persons personality is made up by peices of the past. The past is important, and i believe mine should be revealed. You think you know me... You know nothing. If you would like to take a trip to my dark past... only then you will understand.  
  
I lay down on my bed slowly, throwing down a book and art pencil in front of me. I propped myself up on my elbows and took the art pencil in my hand, sticking it absent mindedly into my mouth as i worked my brain over for something to sketch. I really loved to draw, if there was one thing that would help me escape the misery that was my life, drawing was it. I was told i had talent, but i was always to modest to agree. My eyes darted around my room and rested outside my window. The sight surprised me a little, for there, dappled in the afternoon sunlight was a hawk. His head snapped around, and his laser sharp raptor eyes locked with mine. I was frozen with wonder. The hawk let out a sharp cry, before spreading his beautiful wings and taking to the sky. I jumped up and ran to the window, to see him soar out of sight, as the light from the setting sun engulfed him. Even though the hawk had gone for a long time, i stood there, trying to visualise the feeling of just flying away... Flying away from everything that tied me to the ground. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun on my face, and opened my arms. A soft breeze touched my face. I was free.  
  
Fly away Tobais... Fly away and be free...  
  
For a moment, one precious moment... I was free. I wasent Tobais... The kid nobody wanted. The kid everyone wanted to pick on.   
  
I was the hawk.  
  
I opened my eyes slowly and sank back into my depressing reality... and the lighthearted feeling that i rarely experienced sank heavily. I blinked a few times and sat down, exhaling softly. I picked up my sketch book and art pencil, and flipped through to a fresh page. My eyes narrowed as i tried to visualise my inspiration. The hawk. It sat vividly in my mind, waiting for my hand to bring it to life. I started with its head. I roughly sketched the outline of his forehead and beak, and started to draw the peircing eyes. I bit my lip subconciously in concentration, as i tried to capture the intensity of its striking gaze. I started to draw in the feathers, in fine, perfect detail before i was interupted.  
  
My door swung open and in marched my uncle, still in his work uniform, that was filthy. He wiped his brow angrily and glared at my filthily.  
  
"What are you doing Tobais?" He said testily, like he was on the verge of yelling, and knowing my uncle, he probably was.  
  
"Drawing" i replied, not breaking eye contact with him.  
  
"DRAWING! DRAWING! YOUR AUNT IS SLAVING IN THE KITCHEN, AND THERE ARE THINGS TO BE DONE AROUND THE HOUSE, AND YOUR UP HERE DRAWING!" he yelled. i nodded shakily.  
  
"GET DOWNSTAIRS AND START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I WORKED HARD, AND ALL MY EARNINGS WENT TO MY MOTHER! DONT YOU THINK FOR A SECOND YOU CAN FREELOAD OF US WITHOUT US EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN!"   
  
I stood up slowly and made my way to the door, dropping my artwork on the bed. My uncle glared at me and sniffed like an enraged bull. I slank past and made my way to the kitchen. I hated my uncle... His anger had infected my life for the years i have been staying with them. My dad died when i was little, and my mum dissapeared. Since then, ive been passed around the family like the reject nobody wanted. My mum must not have been very popular with them, since they treat me like dirt.  
  
"You can do the dishes Tobias" he said, frustrated. I didnt say a word as i walked past him, silently angry that he could treat me this way. I grabbed the dishcloth and started to wash the dishes furiously, trying to vent my anger on the sauce stains on my aunts prized crockery. I could hear my uncle, complaining to my aunt about me again. Anger started to boil and lick my insides like white fire.   
  
" That boy needs disipline, needs to be put in his place. Needs to be taught whats right and whats wrong in this world. I doubt his mother or father could provide that, I mean, his mother ran out on him... You can tell with a family like that, use the family issues as a background on how the child is going to turn out" He boasted.  
  
" Yes Sam" my aunt said automatically, like she has heard this speech a hundred times.  
  
" She reminds me of Tobais alot really, The skittish behaviour, The wide scared eyes. The selfishness-"  
  
CRACK!  
  
I had been squeezing a plate so hard with anger it slipped from my soapy grasp and exploded on contact with the tiles. I looked up at the archway, as the thumping footsteps came towards the kitchen. My hands started to shake as adrenalin pumped through my veins like a drug. My uncles frame filled the archway, as his eyes gazed angrily down at me. I stood up slowly, holding the peices of the broken plate in my hand. My aunt peered over my uncle's shoulder, the expression on her face was shock. I wiped my head on my sleeve to get my hair out of my eyes.  
  
" Your fucking useless boy" my uncle hissed " You broke that plate in spite"  
  
" Well maybe if you didnt bitch about me and my mother in earshot, i could concentrate harder on the dishes" I said dangerously. I knew i was in big trouble for that comment, and almost regret them comming out of my mouth. Almost.  
  
" I was only telling your aunt the truth, and i ment every word of it" He hissed. His face was starting to turn scarlet.  
  
Anger welled up inside me and overcame the fear. I glared at him maliciously, picking up another plate slowly from the sink, raising it high above my head.  
  
"NO!" my aunt screamed. With angry force i thrust the plate to the ground. Ceramic shards went everywhere. The harsh splitting noise echoed through the kitchen. I looked up at my aunt and uncle, panting softly. My Uncle stared at me like i was insane. I stared back through slivers of hair that had fallen into my eyes again. Each breath moving them a little.  
  
What happend next was quick and painful. My uncle strode across the kitchen, and the last thing i saw was his backhand and a scream from my aunt before i recovered, dazed, upon tile and the broken remains of the plates. My uncle left the room silently, and i could hear my aunt sniffing, as she softly cried. I wasent sure if it were of the scene she just witnessed, or her prized plates that she loved so dearly. I heard my uncle leave the room, and slump down on the couch.  
  
"Come away from there Lil" he said from the loungeroom.  
  
" Sam, please" She sniffed.  
  
" He needed to be taught a lesson, its the only way he'll learn"  
  
I heard my aunt go upstairs and slam the bedroom door. I stood up shakily, my head swimming from the blow, as i grabbed the bench to help me stand. I felt sick, and my face... Dosed with so much pain. I slowly made my way back into my bedroom and sat on my bed, staring out the window like i wasent really there. All i was, was an empty shell... My mind had drifted. At that moment in time, i only existed.  
  
I stood up, and the dizzy feeling continued as i stumbled to the mirror. I lifted my hair out of the way as i examined the damage he had inflicted on my body. Already a purple bruise started to emerge around my left eye. It hurt to blink. It hurt to breathe. I smothered my hair down over it as best i could. I looked at my reflection again. The bruise wouldnt be noticed unless you were looking for it. I sighed. It wasent like i was noticed anyway, so it shouldnt make a big difference. I sat back down on my bed, and reflected on my ordeal in hindsight. I felt almost felt bad for breaking the plate, since my aunt treated me okay. She never showed any love toward me, since she was scared of my uncle. But there would be days she would smile at me and we'd have a half decent conversation. But it wasent enough emotionally to get by.   
  
I lay down under the covers and try to sleep. My face still ached horribly, but after a while, my mind faded, and i slipped into my subconcious, not looking forward to going to school the next day... Not looking forward to facing my life again, because when i wake up... It will all come flooding back, and the tides of time will shift again. 


	2. Chapter Two

Beneath the Shadow of the Hawk  
  
By Ami Aes Sedai  
  
Chapter Two  
  
I woke that morning to a dull pain that pulsed around my eye. I groaned softly as i made the enourmous effort to scramble out of my bed. My head swam and my eyes took a few moments to focus. A constant reminder of my uncles brutality. I felt like i had been hit with a sledgehammer. I went to the mirror again and lifted up the fringe of dirty blonde hair that messily hid my eye. I almost gasped in horror. My eye had swollen up about twice the size it was the previous evening. I pushed my hair down fusiously over it and felt the familiar anger feeling rise up into my throat. I glared at my reflection with hatred and said softly,   
  
"I hate you Tobais"  
  
I gathered my school things, along with my skectchbook, still open at my most recent sketch. I looked at it slowly, running my hands over the smooth paper. I was silently proud of my work already, even though i had only done the head of the hawk completely before i was interupted. I told myself id finish it today in art class. I walked out of my room and slowly down the stairs, straight out the front door. I didnt want to face my uncle or aunt this morning, it would be more painful than last night. Their cold silence would scare me, and every time i would look at them i would be reminded of the dangerous situation i got myself into the night before... But it wasent like its aftermath was any less of a cruel reminder.  
  
I started off down the road on that cold winter morning, my breath, billowing out in front of me from the cold, slowly evaporating and be replaced almost immediatly by the next. My shoes crunched softly over the ice forming on the morning grass. I kept my eyes to the ground, and my hair in place so no one would know about my uncles malicious intent. The last thing i wanted is to draw attention.  
  
I looked up at the grassy hill i had to climb slowly, praying i wouldnt see him at the top today. Rick. Most mornings he would be there. Most mornings he would beat me up. Most mornings, he made my life a complete misery. Little did he know he wasent the only one who did. There was a shortcut that would bypass this hill, but if he knew i evaded him, he would hunt me down after school and punch me for doing so. There was no escape from his brutality. I would lay awake at night and wonder " Why me... What have i done to deserve this?" But bullies and beatings are about as common at every school as a cold. I always told myself i was a good person, and these things shouldnt happen to me. But expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person is like expecting the bull not to attack you because your a vegetarian.  
  
My eyes reached the top and my stomach seethed with defeat. There he was, pacing like a Lion in a cage, awaiting my arrival. He looked down at me and smiled. With a heavy feeling in my heart, i walked slowly up the hill. I felt so helpless. I was walking right into a trap. I reached the top and just tried to keep walking, trying to mind my own business, and silently pleading he would leave me alone today. But all those thoughts were only pipe dreams.   
  
God. Please. Not today.  
  
" Hey wimp, Nice morning huh?" He said coolly, sticking his hands in his pockets as he walked beside me.  
  
" Yeah" i said coldly, and tried to push on.  
  
" Why are you walking so fast? your not actually looking forward to school are you?" He said mockingly.  
  
" No. Its cold" I said darkly, trying to walk even faster.  
  
" Whats this?" He said, snatching my sketchbook out of my hands. It slipped out of his grasp and opened on the ground at the picture of the half finished hawk.  
  
We both bent down quickly to pick it up at the same time, but he beat me, holding it open high above my head. I rounded on him and tried to pull his arm down to retrieve my stolen sketchbook. He just held it higher. I felt ridiculous, Like a little dog jumping for a treat.  
  
" Jump Tobais!" He said laughing.  
  
" Give it back Rick" I said angrily, stopping.  
  
" Yeah, like thats gonna happen. You cant do anything" He said boastfully, shaking the book just out my reach teasingly.  
  
I stood back. He was right. He could have the stupid book if it stopped a beating. I glared at him and started walking. Maybe if i pretended it didnt mean so much to me he would just forget about trying to taunt me with it... Secretly i was sick to my stomach. That book ment alot more to me than i could express... Pictures that made up who i was... And how i tried to deal with my pain.  
  
" Oh Tobais" Rick said softly. I turned around to see him rip the book to shreds. My heart stopped beating. I felt like i was going to cry. The picture of the hawk floated to the ground like broken rain. Every angry rip Rick made shot through my body. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration and anger. I wanted to scream. I had spent so much time on those artworks, and all of them ment something to me, representing my misery and pain. I felt so helpless, and that just made my emotions intertwine with each other, causing more confusion and distress.  
  
" Dont cry Toby" he said in a mocking baby tone of voice. I scowled at him furiously. I turned and walked away. I was angry enough to try to fight him, but i knew i stood no chance, especially injured. Rick was huge.   
  
Rick walked forward and stood in front of me, His eyes boring into mine. My eyes blazed angrily back.  
  
" I was going to give you your morning lashings, Toby, but it looks like someone beat me to it" He grinned, looking at my eye. I smoothered my hair over it quickly. Before i could sidestep him, he punched me in the Stomach. I was winded and on the ground, gasping for air. Rick laughed.  
  
" Have a nice day at school Toby! See you tomorrow morning!" He said jogging off, still laughing. I clutched my stomach and coughed, as i slowly started to recover. I lay on the ground for a few minutes, the frost biting my cheek. I stood up slowly and crouched down over my shredded art. The eye of the hawk lay on the ground in one shredded piece amongst all my other works. I picked it up angrily and threw it on the ground. I wanted to scream the anger was building up inside me so much. I dont know how much more of this i could take. I kicked the ground and sent a few peices into the wind. Tears in my eyes.  
  
I made it to school late and got into even more trouble. I sighed. I leaned my head against my locker and closed my eyes. I just wanted to dissapear. I heard a girls laugh and looked up out of impulse. I saw Rachel walk down the hallway. Her locker was two down from mine.  
  
She was beautiful. She walked lightly down the hallway like a scene out of a movie, swishing her long blonde hair over her shoulder. Flashing that exquisite smile to people she knew that passed by, her eyes shining. She just lit up the whole hall, and made the other girls look like shadows. She walked right by me like i wasent there. I was used to that. Even though Rachel was the type of girl never to notice a broken boy like me, she wasent the only one. I was nothing. If i died tomorrow, people would be like "Tobais who?"  
  
She opened her locker and grabbed her books for next period. I thought id do the same. I opened my locker and my books spilled everywhere. I rolled my eyes and bent down to pick them up. I saw another hand pick up a book that had fallen furthest away. I jumped and went to snatch it, thinking it was Rick or one of his friends, then realised that the hand belonged to Rachel. I stopped myself and looked at her.  
  
" Easy, im just trying to help" She smiled, passing me the book.  
  
"Thanks" I mumbled, almost snatching the book away from her i was that nervous.  
  
" Its okay" she said almost dissapointed. I cursed myself for being so impolite.  
  
" Im sorry, but i dont think we've ever met. Im Rachel" She said coolly, standing up. I started piling my books back into my locker.  
  
" I know. Im Tobais" I said, not making eye contact, closing my locker. She stared at me sliently and i wondered what she was looking at.  
  
" What happend to your eye?" She said reaching out slowly going to brush away the hair that fell in front of it. I jumped back quickly and she pulled her hand away. Her eyes were wide and full of concern.  
  
" Just... Leave it" I snapped. She looked hurt, but the look was quickly replaced by anger.  
  
" Fine, just trying to help" She turned gracefully and marched down the hallway. I watched her go, hanging my head in dissapointment. I was just so... Skittish. Could you blame me?  
  
I hugged my books to my chest as i made my way to the art rooms and sat down. I grabbed a new book from the cupboard opened it to a fresh page. Looking at the book took me back to the memory of Rick that morning, destroying my hard work that took hours... In a matter of seconds. It was going to take me a long time to replicate my artworks. I stared absent mindedly out the window. Best to leave the pictures to the past... Let go of them... I remember one drawing that tried to replicate my mother. I drew her as a deer. The large beautiful eyes and slender face reminded me of her. I shook my head and painfully let it go. Let it all go.  
  
all except the Hawk.  
  
I was going to draw that Hawk and finish it. When i started it i just didnt stop. I concentrated so hard that my hand became sore. I worked for ages, i wasent sure how long. I usually just get so absorbed in my art that time passes. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped.  
  
" Tobais... This is breathtaking" Mrs Elys said softly. I didnt look up.  
  
" Thankyou" I mumbled as i sketched out the Hawks talons.  
  
" I wasent aware you had such a talent Tobais" She said gently, running her hand around the outside of the Hawk, examining it.   
  
" Such beautiful detail" She said absently as she observed. I flushed in pleasure.   
  
" Tobais, Id like to put this in the local art competition... if its selected out of the other entries, it goes on to the regionals... But i can only do it with your permission" She smiled.  
  
" Yeah... That would be great" I returned the smile cautiously.  
  
" Well at the end of school, hand it in with a title, and the rest is up to me" She said happily, and turned away. I looked at the Hawk. It was almost done.  
  
I was on my way to the cafeteria. Before i turned the corner of the hall, i stopped myself. Rachel was there, talking to Cassie. I didnt want to face her, not after what happend this morning. Not after the way i acted.  
  
" Cass, i was only trying to help him, he was so hostile towards me" she said testily.  
  
" Well look at the poor guy. He has no friends, he probably has it hard at home... He just cant trust people easily, and probably saw you as a potential threat" Cassie explained.  
  
" Yeah... Your right" She said regretfully, looking down.  
  
" I saw a nasty looking bruise around his eye... And i tried to get a better look at it by moving his hair and he flinched so hard" Rachel trailed off   
  
" Do you think we should tell someone?" She added thoughtfully.  
  
" I dont know... We could end up making things worse than better for him... Maybe we should let him make up his own mind" Cassie said.  
  
" Yeah, well im hungry... Lets get out of here" Rachel smiled sadly, and they turned around and made their way down the hall.  
  
I stepped around the corner after the coast was clear. I was breathing hard. I was relieved that they didnt tell anyone about my eye. That could make things so much worse at home. I shook my head and made my way to the cafeteria.  
  
After eating lunch alone, i made my way to my locker to carefully place my artwork away until after school. I saw Rachel again. She smiled cautiously at me before opening her locker. I grabbed a few books and held them in the crook of my arm. I looked at the hawk one more time and smiled.  
  
" Did you draw that?" came an awed voice from behind me. I jumped. It was Rachel.  
  
" Umm... Yeah" I replied softly. I turned around so she could have a better look.  
  
" Its beautiful Tobais" she said softly. I mumbled a thankyou.  
  
" Ive always loved birds of prey... So beautiful and so dangerous" She smiled.  
  
" Yeah" I agreed. We both stood there for a few moments absorbed in an awkward silence. I looked at her. She smiled.  
  
" Well, have a nice day Tobais... Take care" She said, flashing another supermodel smile. My heart skipped a few beats.  
  
" You too" i said. She turned away and met up with Cassie.  
  
I exhaled noisily. I felt like i couldnt breathe when she was around. She was breathtaking, and i was so... Jumpy and awkward. I Slid my artwork carefully back into the book before placing it carefully on one of the shelves, and made my way to my last few classes.  
  
The end of the school day didnt come quick enough. I went to my locker, and luckily Rachel was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my book and raced down to art, to find Mrs Elys at her desk waiting for me. I was actually feeling happy i had been noticed for my talent. Noticed at all...  
  
" Hello Tobais... Have you got a name for it yet?" She smiled as she took the picture from my hands and looked at it again.  
  
" Yes... Its called " Freedom from the shadows" I said. I thought the name was corny... but it was the only one i could think of, and it was how i felt when i first saw the hawk.  
  
" Lovely... Just lovely... I dont want to sound biased, But i think your in with a good chance Tobais"   
  
" Really?" i asked.  
  
" Yes... its just filled with so much emotion... i dont just see a Hawk. I see what it means... The look in its eyes... Its far deeper than what most of the students have come up with... And thats what they are looking for"  
  
" Thankyou" I smiled.   
  
" No, thankyou Tobais. Goodluck" She returned a smile before i left the room.  
  
I got outside the school quickly. I sighed. I did not want to go home. But with a heavy heart, I turned in the direction of "Home" and started walking. 


End file.
